Tuesday, January 17, 2017

I'm ALIVE and thriving

I just recently discovered that this blog still existed and Elise and I found out we could still log in and post and everything. A couple of nights ago I spent an entire evening just going back through the posts on here and remembering all the wonderful things we had done and written about.  It kinda of surprised me to read some of the things I had written,  I mean they were actually enjoyable to read (as in I would've enjoyed reading them even if they weren't my own memories) and they didn't have TOO many grammatical errors :)  It just caused this very strong urge to write again.  I forgot how much I enjoyed it and how therapeutic it was.  It was also wonderful to read back through and have the memories come back.  It made me wish I had continued to write somewhere, just so that I could remember everything.  I still don't think that I would've wanted to write in such a public place,  I don't think I could have talked about what we are going through without sounding very bitter.  It has been a rather rough 6 years.  After Curtiss's accident our lives changed forever and at the time we didn't even know it.  We have been through so much emotional and physical stress that I didn't want to remember.... 
We have had multiple legal battles with insurance companies and found out just how slow and incompetent our government is.  Curtiss's accident was just 6 months after we had moved to Ohio (in 2010) and we didn't have closure with all those things until the spring of 2015.  They were grueling years,  constantly fighting or waiting for something,  trying this, that or the other thing. The whole time watching Curtiss hurt more and more.  Nothing helping, every test or procedure just taking more and more out of him. Like I said I don't think I could've written well during that time, at least not what I would want any one to read. But now I think we are on the other side of that, let me give you a brief over view of what has transpired in the last 6 years.  The last time I posted we were living in Ohio, (we had gone out there for a job for Curtiss) We had a small baby, Jimmy and we were settling into our lives there.  About 6 months after moving to the state, Curtiss was rear ended in his work truck, he walked away from the accident and was diagnosed in the ER with a cervical strain and a sprained knee.  After the accident his pain just kept getting worse and worse in his knee.  The doctors couldn't find anything wrong with his knee after 5 months of tests and wondering we finally got a diagnoses.  He had Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy (RSD), it is a nervous system problem basically the nerves in his knee send pain signals to the brain, which then rushes blood to the area to try and heal it which aggravates the nerves so they send more pain signals, so the brain sends more blood....  and on and on the cycle goes.  It is a rare disease, doctors don't understand why it happens (it usually occurs after some kind of trauma to the body, it can be brought on by a heart attack or a gun shot or in Curtiss's case a car accident). There is no cure and different people respond differently to treatments, all you can do it try different things and hope they help. 
Now back to my over view of our lives the last several years.  my in-laws moved out to Oh to help us and we ended up living with them. We have moved several times, always trying to make life easier and better quality for all of us but especially Curtiss who is now in a powered wheel chair and we needed a house that would work for that.  Our most recent move happened just a few months ago and we are now back in New York State.  We moved back to be closer to family,  we all came to the conclusion that we were very much alone in OH and if anything happened to any member of our family the rest of us would be in very deep water indeed.  So we are now living back in western NY where my husband and in-laws are from.  My father in law and I work full time,  my mother in law takes care of Curtiss and home schools Jimmy (which I am VERY thankful for, one of the hardest things for me to face was not being able to do things like that and thinking that we would have to send him somewhere was not something that I relished).  Jimmy is now 6 1/2 years old and MUCH bigger than the last time I posted a picture of him :) I am working at a local retirement community as a cook and enjoying it.  

That gives you at least a brief overview of our lives past and present.  I don't know if anyone will even read this, it's been so long since anything happened here.  I have felt for so long that I was barely keeping my head above water, it was all I could think of doing to just work, take care of Jimmy and Curtiss, do the laundry and try and get at least a simple meal on the table.  But I am coming to see that not only am I surviving, I am thriving.  I have a strong desire to live again not just try and make it through today without thinking about how I would make it through tomorrow.  
So all I can say now is,
Hello world I'm back :)


Tammy Valine said...

I love you, Joanna! Life has a way of surprising us, and I am certain you have many happy days still to come. God is on the throne!

Trina said...

I'm so glad you're back. You are a gifted writer, and I'm so glad you used your words to give Him glory in this post. I see His hand all over you, you have always exhibited such a gracefilled spirit no matter what you faced. He is alive and turning ashes to beauty in your life. There is nothing that will not be redeemed. It's who He is. Looking forward to whatever and whenever you post here.